Respect in Hardship: A Reminder to Myself

Nobody Owes You Anything for Your Mental Health Struggles

I've lived with depression and anxiety disorder for a decade, moving on and off medication and therapy. Some days are better than others. On the harder days, it's easy to forget myself and let my words spill out harshly and sarcastically. The reality of living with mental health struggles is that it can make one irritable, impatient and even harsh. I've lost control before, hurting those closest to me. But the other reality is also valid: nobody owes me patience or forgiveness just because I'm hurting.

Islamic Perspective

In Islam, hardship is never an excuse to abandon good character and manners. The Quran and sunnah constantly remind us that patience, respect and kindness are obligations regardless of our circumstance. Patience and politeness are part of worship, even when the heart feels heavy.

Allah (SW) Says in the Quran: "Who spend [in the cause of Allah] during ease and hardship and who restrain anger and who pardon the people - and Allah loves the doers of good" (Surah Al 'Imran 3:134).

It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that the Prophet (SAW) said: "the Muslim is the one from whose tongue and hand the people are safe, and the believer is the one from whom the people's lives and wealth are safe" Sunan an-Nasa'i 4995, Sahih (Authentic).

There is no doubt that a lot of the anger and loss of control stems from places of hurt, although few may admit it. Regardless, there is strength in admitting the imperfect versions of us that lose control over menial matters. There is also humility in acknowledging our struggle to carry the seemingly heavy burdens that a normal person may take for granted. Allah also Says in the Quran: "And seek help through patience and prayer, and indeed, it is a burden except for the humble" (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:45).

Mental Health is Valid

Mental health struggles can explain behaviour, but it does not excuse mistreatment of others. Respecting others while struggling is part of recovery and building self-discipline. My feelings are valid, but my actions and words can still leave marks on those around me. Respect is not optional; it is a part of healing.

As a younger sister, I've treated my family poorly when I lost control. My brothers weren't always empathetic, and sometimes their words even hurt me deeply. Yet, I learned that my mental breakdowns were not an excuse to abandon basic decency. If I disrespect someone when I lose control, it is my responsibility to apologise and make ameds - especially with family and close friends.

At the same time, not all relationships are equal. With people beyond my trusted circle. I've had to learn to stand up for my struggles and my rights. Finding that balance was important to avoid growing up entitled.

Gentle Advice to Self

This is advice I need to hear too. I will slip, but I want to keep trying. Even when I feel overwhelmed, I still owe my loved ones respect. Struggles do not define me, but how I treat others during them does.

And for families of survivors, there is balance to find as well - between avoiding triggers and guiding with care. Both sides need patience, humility and kindness.